Week Five

Week five of somewhat independence:

Has it really been that long? I’m sitting in class trying to wrap my mind around the length of time in metric units. It’s kind of a weird thought, but I find it really fascinating to think of time as a buildable and ongoing mass instead of something in which we try to fill or waste. Five weeks looks short, doesn’t it?

Thirty-five days of soaking. I am a tiny sponge in this miniature planet within the world, absorbing all of the foreign ideas that this place secretes. I float through each day from seat to seat with open eyes and heeding ears. But when passing ideas cross my path that I can’t force myself to silently accept, I sometimes speak without initial thought. A loose tongue, I have found throughout my thirty-five days here, can be quite crippling. After saying the wrong thing too fast, too regularly, I did what I should do more often, look to the Lord for the correct answer. James 1:19 was the verse of the day a few weeks ago on the Bible app. It was a little notification from heaven in my opinion. The verse says to be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Quick to hear. It sounds like such an easy thing to do until you’re forced to hold your tongue. I recently medicated my earth-shattering headache with too many Advil pills, caused by clenching my teeth until my jaw popped (not my finest moment). It is so hard to listen to something you don’t believe in, and even harder when you feel tempted to agree by default. It is one of most advanced skills to be able to listen first and speak last, but I’m learning. I get to practice every day, so I’ll keep you updated.

Slow to speak. There is a fire that ignites in the pit of my stomach and spreads to the sides of my throat when I disagree. It is as if my insides are pushing against my skin until I break and put my two cents into the conversation. I have never been a confrontational person by any means, but when a topic as heavy as faith comes up, it is so hard for me to swallow my opinions. Learning to speak with intention has been so prominent in my life recently. Using my voice as an outlet of praise and positivity has been incredibly difficult, but I am slowly learning the trade.

Slow to anger. This one seems really simple, but since God has a sense of humor, the irony seems inevitable. When the elevator stopped at the first floor before reaching the lobby on my way to class this afternoon, I was met with his humor. Why one flight of stairs is too much of a work out is beyond me. During this wasted 60 seconds of my life, I caught myself filled with rage for something that was so trivial. I let 60 seconds of my life fly by with anger in my heart instead of being grateful that I had 60 seconds to spend on this weird yet beautiful island. On this planet within the world. So today I laughed with God for the following 60 seconds after my unfortunate encounter and made the vow that my fifth week would be filled with James 1:19 and my 36th day would hold the beginning of my love story for mankind.